what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
