I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Houston, we have a squirter
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
