OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Someone signed my nipple.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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