And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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