it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
