...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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