I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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