All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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