but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
