I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
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Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
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I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
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