I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
