evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
