She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
