Someone shit on the floor
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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