I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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