Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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