nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
