Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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