I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
