Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
