she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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