god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
if i died would you start the facebook group?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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