the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
