Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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