Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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