Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Please don't give away my fajitas
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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