whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
