miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
