I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
