I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
