It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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