what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
