Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
