Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
