I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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