I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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