explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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