He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
