I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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