he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just sent this text using only my big toe
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
