is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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