Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
