why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
