Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
