:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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