Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you traded sex for a burrito?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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