His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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