And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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