I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Let's paint friendship bongs
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
