Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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