Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
