I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
