At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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