just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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