It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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