Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
