Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
