so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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