So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
