so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
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somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
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If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize