Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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