making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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