And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
