It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Mom said you looked used
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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