dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
