I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
