one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
