Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm at about main and main street
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
