i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
