Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
