They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
