Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
