Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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