I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
