she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
