bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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