I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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