It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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