Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
