Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
