Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
