Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
