"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
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Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
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Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
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