oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
